Why do we like to get attention? Why is it our need? Why do we judge those who seek attention? Why do we snatch it from others? Why do we think unpleasant of others? Why do we take revenge? Why do we like to possess? Why do we think we can possess people? Why are we so enthralled with things? Aren’t they just things? Why do we hate? Why do we run after the unattainable? Why do we want to be liked? Nothing is real. All this attention, it is not real. All this fitting-in. it’s not real. Or is it real? What is real? Why do we judge others? Why can’t we just accept? Why do we reject? Why do we forget about ourselves? Why do we forget how to improve? Why do we say this is good and that is bad? How can anything be good or bad? Nothing is good and nothing is bad. Why do we like to rule over someone else? Why do we enjoy that kind of power? Why do we like to be ruled sometimes? Why do we have an ego? Who are we? Why do we run after perfection? What is perfection? Why is imperfect not perfect? Why do we think we know everything? Why do we think we are the best? Why do we think we are not good enough? It is a world that does not exist. It is a world that is not here. Or maybe it is but it is going to perish. What is happiness? How do we know we are living life? Who is deciding it for us? Are we? Are we deciding it right? Is there anything right or wrong? Who has the answers? How do we know those answers are correct? Are there any correct or wrong answers? Where are we going? Why do we live? Are we living? Do what we want is important? Do we want what we want? Do we want what others want? Why do we need what we need? Do we chase what we need? Can we do without what we need? What if we don’t get what we need? How much do we need really? What do we need really? Do we need other people? Why do we fight others of our species? We kill. We are murderers. We are. Why do we think we are nice? Why do we like ourselves? Why do we hate ourselves? Are there any answers? Is this how we are? This is our nature, is it? Why is it our nature? So what if it is our nature? What if our nature would have been otherwise? Who decided that our nature would be like this? Did someone decide it so? How come we all have the same fundamental nature? We do, don’t we? Do we? Why do we order someone else? Who gave us the right to? How do we let others dominate us? How do we dominate others? Now, there is so much. Now, there is nothing. Will everything perish in the end? Is there an end? Was there any beginning? Why is it hard to imagine a no-beginning? Do we do everything we can? Do we do everything we want to? Either we do, or we don’t. Why is it important to be happy? So what if someone is not happy?
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Every day I think of myself, my life, my past, my present, my future. I think of how everything will change in a few years. I probably will be married, living somewhere else, may be some other city, may be another country. I wonder about my sister having children and my brother getting married. I wonder about my dad and I wonder what he will do without me. May be my brother and his wife will live with him by then.
I sometimes cry, because I love him so much, thinking of the inevitable—no one lives forever. He will go, and I will go too.
I wonder if I go before him to an accident or a disease, because he loves me so much, he will be very sad and it will be the worst that could have ever happened to him because has protected me for 21 years. I can’t imagine the things he will think or feel but I know he won’t be happy. Everything will change.
But that happens all the time—if not to us, then to someone else. Ten years back, there were some people in our lives that are not there anymore and there are some people now that were not there then.
We all wonder, worry and are afraid of going on past that change. But we do. Gradually, we get used to living without people or things the way we got used to living with them.
If a day is given to spend with those we loved as children and are no more now, we will then know what home is like (because as we grow, we do try to search bits and pieces of our childhood everywhere). Or maybe not(maybe childhood was not that great!) . May be what we get used to, and is our present, is our home. What is gone may have been gone but it was still home. Either ways, we have found ways to be comfortable. Not necessarily happy but comfortable.
We are just afraid of that phase before we get used to their absence. And because we are afraid, we don’t accept the change. The day we accept, it all settles down—the pain, the higher pain, the letting go…
No matter what—we will get used to anything. Gradually.
To think of it, it kind of makes me feel powerless and defeated because I will have to accept what I don’t want to. Why do I accept and get used to what I don’t want to? Why must I go according to the system of the universe? Why is it in our nature to get used to things?
To think of it again, it is good in a way because otherwise there would be no changes and no growth in our lives. It would be like watching the first half of a movie throughout your life that will never end. All through, we will have learnt nothing but only known what is known without knowing there could be larger possibilities.
I think it is these changes that make us value our lives and our relationships.
Without these changes, there would be no give and take and everything would come to a halt, to a stagnance. And I think there would be no meaning left. At all.